Celebrity Dominatrix

Lindsay Lohan is not alone in her role as a primordial male-destroyer in the forthcoming Machete — Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, and other femmes fatale do their duty as well.

But her unabashed, indeed celebratory approach to her assignment as a heartless castrating siren is unmatched. And whereas Alba is apologetic about her role as a sex symbol and vows to tone it down, Lohan enjoys her mastery of the penis-brained species. LiLo has, in fact, defied her father’s efforts to quash her die-for-me appearance as a sister of death in the movie.

See the leaked nude stills from the movie, lower right. Wow.

Yah, yah. She’s a Disney brat. She likes to party. She’s defied a (drumroll please) a ridiculous L.A. judge.

Maybe that’s part of her charm. Lindsay Lohan is the innocent child who has grown up to drive men to madness, despair, and death — and, charmingly, as a stable lesbian, doesn’t care a whit about male affirmation.

She’s thus hit #1 on our Celebrity Dominatrix Power Rankings, and happily aloof from the rantings of the male hyp-ocracy. Long may she reign.

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And enjoy.

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It’s more than Catherine Tramell, lesbian serial killer who brings rock stars and Micheal Douglas to their knees for oral service… but what if it weren’t?

Basic Instinct I, “the leg cross,” and under-rated BI II, “the belt asphyx,” are plenty to hang your hat on.

Lately, Stone has dared to criticize China, Meryl Streep, and other conventional-wisdom icons, episodes the Daily Mail and others always refer to as “gaffes” or “snafus,” but which Celebrity Dominatrix considers solid femme fatale ballbusts.

China? Stone says the earthquake there may be payback for the country’s bad karma in Tibet. Now, the Tibet cause may be a bit Hollywoodesquely narrow — let’s not forget tens of millions of slave laborers outside of Tibet, or the country’s brazen denial of basic political rights to more than a billion Chinese.

And Streep? Who isn’t tired of her? She was terrific in the Deer Hunter, even though we’d have like to see her fight back when her father slaps her around. But that was lat 1970s. Get over it.

Thus, partly because it’s been a slow summer, Stone surges back into the Celebrity Dominatrix Top 10, where we’ve had the nagging sense she’s always belonged.

Call it a hunch; call it an instinct. Yah. Sharon Stone dominatrix: Long may she cross.