Celebrity Dominatrix

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The 20 most dominant women in the world as of November 15, 2010:

1. Lindsay Lohan surges to #1 after her unabashed femme fatale role in Machete — we’ve seen the advance clips (thanks to Markus in Hong Kong) — and on that basis alone, LiLo deserves our top spot.

She’s a powerful woman who truly outsizes and outclasses her critics…. with no need for males in life or in love. Vaginas Potenti. Don’t forget, of course, to sign up for our Lindsay Lohan Fan Group, here.

2. Angelina Jolie. Angelina falls one spot, principally owing to a hot fall for Lindsay Lohan more than any mis-steps.

Indeed, Angelina’s doing her job, continuing with the cuckolding and enslavement of Brad Pitt. It appears “the process,” as friends call it, has already begun. Bark like a dog, Brad. Bark. That’s a good boy.

3. Red star Helen Mirren climbs all the way to #3, besting former #1 femdom Megan Fox in the Esquire sexiest-woman-alive survey in a landslide.

We happen to agree that Mirren is truly femme fatale… and her role in Reds is only the latest. (That’s Helen, left, in her sexy bronze brassiere scene from the move Excalibur, left — just before she seduces and outwits Merlin.) See our forthcoming tribute this November.

4. Morgan Fairchild. The femme fatale fetish icon of a generation rises up to #2 (current power rankings), edging political pal Hillary Clinton as we begin our “Hot August” Morgan Fairchild series.

5. Hillary Clinton. Hillary slides, but only a notch. We still say Bubba Bill missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime. Are we the only ones who noticed how well she did among male donors in 2008? Hillary, hand that man a cigar, and ready the strapon.

6. Britney Spears. Has now danced on the bodies of more men onstage than any female since Dolores Gray. And she’s left our celebration of Britney Spears Dominatrix post on her official site for more than a year, further enamoring us. Where Dominatrix Britney has gone, Lindsay Lohan needs to travel.

7. Lucy Liu. From Payback to Charlie’s Angels II. And we hear she digs dishing it out.

8. Domme Dietrich. She’ll take Manhattan. That lovely pose Cameron Diaz just took was prefigured in 2008 by our DD. If you disagree, you tell her; we’re not going to. And to check out her recent productions at Deadly Femmes — striking, sexy, lethal.

9. Sarah Michelle Gellar. Most men have never gotten over their Buffy fantasy, and neither have the editors of CelebrityDominatrix.com. She was the girlydom Morgan Fairchild, who grew up to be the girlydom of Cruel Intentions…. the femme fatale of the 1990s. But she’s clinging to a top-10 spot mainly for sentimental reasons; time to kick some balls, darling.

10. Maggie Q. The new La Femme Nikita and, judging from massive reader response to our one post on her, possibly the most fatale. Don’t forget to join the new Maggie Q fan group.

And the next ten:

11. Eva Longoria. At least Tony Parker has the brains to live as a docile cuckold and valet. See #1 and #5 above.
12. Melissa Penteuk. Foundrix of Humiatrix Nationix: res ipse loquitur. Never returns our tweets or emails, adding to her Queen-Patricia-style allure, but we wish she’d call.
13. Stella Van Gent. Her legs are like the Eiffel Tower, squared. (And she’s German, the nation of femdom.) With no disrespect to the U.S. and its faux war on terror, diese Beine sind die echt “Twin Towers.”
14. Princess Nikita Fatale. 2008 Femme Fatale of the Year at DieForHer.com and still that site’s most popular feature femme. She’s about to make a surge with the release of her forthcoming clip for JamesBondRIP.com.
15. Megan Fox. Vagina power tumbles, as Megan Fox loses a celebrity-femdom survey to Helen Mirren (and by a decisive 2-1 margin) as the sexiest woman alive. CelebrityDominatrix.com is nothing if not fair and democratic. The electorate has spoken, and, appropriately, Mirren takes spot #5, and Megan Fox drops from the top 10.
16. Sharon Stone. Could easily jump back in the top 10. Where’s Basic Instinct III?
17. Sarah Palin. We’re looking for big things out of this woman, a future Sarah Palin dominatrix. But top-5 spots don’t come cheaply. Let’s start with a public flogging of John McCain and Joe Lieberman. Sarah, call Mistress Cheyenne’s office. Meantime, however, her party’s trouncing of the whimpy Obama Democrats in America’s off-year election certainly brings the Yankee Margaret Thatcher up a few slots, to #17. Keep it up, girl.
18. Queen Patricia, the Other World Kingdom. Proof positive that the right woman doesn’t even have to be seen to be dominant.
19. Taylor Momsen. It’s hard to see the torch passing to anyone but Britney Spars after that kiss — oh, that kiss — from Madonna. But young Taylor has the chutzpah and the Schtick… a cool dismissal of her critics and open use of sexual power that spells femdom all over. We can’t pretend she’s not top 20 material any longer.
20. Jessica Alba — she’s hanging on for her top-20 life after recent drippy apologies for using sex to gain power over men. Yes, there are other ways to achieve the dominatrix society; but by the same token, femdom means never having to say you’re sorry.

Have we left someone out? Send a memo to , preferably with art, and you may change our mind. Literate entries from males (which constitute about 3 percent of the emails we get) immediately become the property of CelebrityDominatrix.com, and may be posted for the edification of others and embarrassment of the author.

And don’t forget to submit (heheh) your nominations for the new Celebrity Slave Toplist — men like Tony Parker, Bill Clinton, and others who suddenly realize their place in life is groveling at the heel of a beautiful woman.

Meanwhile, here are some discussion links:

Mistress Destiny Femdom Forum thread on femmes fatale. Say hello to some officious clown named Luke while you’re there.

It’s more than Catherine Tramell, lesbian serial killer who brings rock stars and Micheal Douglas to their knees for oral service… but what if it weren’t?

Basic Instinct I, “the leg cross,” and under-rated BI II, “the belt asphyx,” are plenty to hang your hat on.

Lately, Stone has dared to criticize China, Meryl Streep, and other conventional-wisdom icons, episodes the Daily Mail and others always refer to as “gaffes” or “snafus,” but which Celebrity Dominatrix considers solid femme fatale ballbusts.

China? Stone says the earthquake there may be payback for the country’s bad karma in Tibet. Now, the Tibet cause may be a bit Hollywoodesquely narrow — let’s not forget tens of millions of slave laborers outside of Tibet, or the country’s brazen denial of basic political rights to more than a billion Chinese.

And Streep? Who isn’t tired of her? She was terrific in the Deer Hunter, even though we’d have like to see her fight back when her father slaps her around. But that was lat 1970s. Get over it.

Thus, partly because it’s been a slow summer, Stone surges back into the Celebrity Dominatrix Top 10, where we’ve had the nagging sense she’s always belonged.

Call it a hunch; call it an instinct. Yah. Sharon Stone dominatrix: Long may she cross.

Recently we profiled actress Teri Hatcher, whose long legs and tendency to incite public bootworship among Hollywood elites has caught the eye even of the vanilla press. (For the Hatcher profile, please click here.) But Hatcher isn’t the only as an in-episode or real-life femdom on the cast of Desperate Housewives — not by a long shot.

Consider the kinky cuckholdings of Housewife co-star Eva Longoria. In recent months, Ms. Longoria has reportedly cracked the verbal and conjugal whip repeatedly on her submissive French husband, basketball star Tony Parker, whom Longoria treats in the bedroom as an eager but “fumbling schoolboy” (Longoria, during a 2007 photo shoot) when it comes to serving the needs of his dominant wife.

“I’m the teacher,” she told the press at one point during their courtship. (For a news report, click here.) Speaking to friends more recently, she added, “Tony’s learning — but he knows who’s in charge.”

Longoria’s recent poses for both Citizen K magazine and Mexican GQ ( for photos, click here) and Citizen K magazines, in fact, were meant in part to reassure friends in the Hollywood femdom community — such as Longoria mate Victoria Beckham, also a femdom — that her jock-by-day domestic partner knows who the crotch-sniffer is at night.

(From a vanilla press item dated May 19, 2009: “Friends of the Eva Longoria say she is definitely the more dominant person in her relationship. A source added: ‘Eva wears the trousers in the relationship and if she wants a baby, chances are that Tony won’t have much say in the matter.’ ” Click here for more details.)

Hatcher and Longoria. moreover, may only scratch the surface of Wistiria Lane Asphixiatrixes. Who could forget, for example, the guest appearance by Sharon Lawrence as dominatrix in the December 19, 2004 episode of the series, “Come Back to Me”?

Indeed, there’s enough material from the vixens of Housewives and their saucy screentwriters — led by Jeff Greenstein — to justify more than one installment of the Celebrity Dominatrix blog.

Meantime, here’s a little bone to chew on, tossed out courtesy of Mrs. Longoria-Parker. Want to see more? We won’t try to whip it out of you, boys. But you might have to join Tony on the floor and bark like a dog.