1. (Tie) Britney Spears, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj.
Britney Spears keeps her #1 spot, but adds two teammates, bringing both Rihanna and Nicki Minaj to the top of the fem-rule world….
(Where have we seen this before? How about in The Kiss, at the 2003 VMA Awards?)
We’ve never done it or even considered it before — a tie is like kissing your brother, ew — but given that the world’s #1 femdom has so chosen, it’s easy to see the logic of a femdom triumverate.
(In recent weeks, Britney announced and executed a duet version of Rihanna’s S & M, and Minaj joined Britney’s team for the rest of her Femme Fatale album tour.)
Rihanna is best understood as a switch, as we noted after her interview with Rolling Stone… and there’s something especially fempower about a woman with the maksi to go both ways, and “flip” the male on occasion from top to bottom.
And Nicki Minaj had a great month for femocracy, giving ‘Lil Wayne a stern femdom lapdance, and whipping out a dildo onstage in late March.
She’ll have to drop some of the props for Britney’s tour, but it’s the thought that counts. We’re confident there will be plenty of male-trampling onstage with these two, and the toys can be used backstage, can’t they girls?
Triumverates are notoriously unstable, and the Celebrity Dominatrox Top 20, even more so…
but for now, these three women have the world under their joint heel.
4. Cameron Diaz. Hovering in the top 5, Cameron shows off her bicep power, achieved wonderfully without help from steroids (ARod, take note), and wins style points for her ARod-less night on the town in simple but stunning white denim, and high-heeled promotion of Bad Teacher.
In the last Femdom Power Rankings, we wrote: “She could be just one public humiliation away from number one,” or, as we’ve advocated more recently, the right film role. Time for Jim Carrey and the Damn Yankees remakers to get off the dime: Whatever Cameron wants, Cameron gets.
5. Eva Longoria. Moving well beyond you-know-who with an elegant seduction of David Letterman, a cool cougar-serving boytoy, and a pretty fair cookbook, if you’ve not seen it.
6. Goddess Lexi Sindel. The Lady Gaga of Clips4Sale.com is on a roll.
This month, she may have set a record by facilitating the first recorded instance of a male giving a blow job to himself… if not the first, certainly the sexiest.
Next month, she will reportedly entice Dick Cheney to sploog into the Gulf oil spill and then jump in and slurp…. the first Vice President in history to off himself, and die twice… and for such a lovely femme fatale to boot.
7. Bree Olson. Described by Charlie Sheen as his “Goddess,” she’s already put Charlie on a doggie leash, locked him in a chastity device for 24 hours (the equivalent of months for Charlie), and cuckolded him… see our recent report. An excellent start.
8. Taylor Momsen. Ball-busting Taylor — the last rocker in the world? — hovered in the top 5 throughout March, waiting for one decisive stroke to bust her way up to number one. It’s not likely to happen during Britney’s Femme Fatale ride, but this girl has guns on her heels, and knows howta use ‘em.
9. Rosario Dawson. It’s not what you think (image nearby) — Rosario is helping to plant a tree, not getting ready to use the castrators. She’s waiting patiently to reprise her dominatrix-assassin role in the new Sin City 2, but in the meantime, a girl’s gotta do something to keep busy.
10. Diane Kruger. Wowed everyone at the Coachella events last weekend; wowed us with her 2009 pantyhose domination of Quentin Tarantino.
And the next ten:
11. Kim Kardashian. The mediocre weeks are starting to add up for Kim Kardashian, dropping her from the Top 10 for the first time since fall, 2010. A weak poolside appearance in Vegas this week didn’t help.
12. Sharon Stone. Wes Craven denies it, in part, but it sounds like there was definitely some truth in the speculation his ex-wife had a lesbian affair with Sharon — cuckolding the disposable male. There may even be something to the rumor that Stone sent him black roses the day the Craven divorce was finalized. Meantime, the buzz about the Total Recall remake reminds us of one of Stone’s lesser-known femme fatale roles as the butt-kicking, man-killing wife of Quaid. It’s all more than enough to have the favorite femdom of femdoms (according to our mail bag) nibbling at the Top 10 once again.
13. Lady Gaga. An off month for the first lady of shock, who drops from #2. Fan groups howl at somewhat un-aesthetic Born This Way cover; clumsy effort to upstage Britney in a tribute to ninth-circle’s Judas; fan kills cat (!) in effort to emulate Gaga’s meat dress.
14. Megan Fox. There’s been another Megan-needs-a-makeover cry, this time from the dorks at OK Magazine, which thinks she looks too skinny in the photo nearby. Yah, you’d kick her out of bed, we’re sure. Still our Femdom Woman of the Year enjoyed a month of quiet domesticity.
15. Lauren Santo Domingo bursts onto the femdom scene as “the new Lady Astor,” courtesy of Town and Country magazine. She’s already a style and culture icon… but now she’s cracked the Femdom Power Rankings.
16. Morgan Fairchild. Morgan Fairchild doesn’t have to do much to remain in, or even move up, in the Fem-Power Rankings. This month she appears in a new comedy about lesbian online love. That’s enough for us.
17. Sarah Palin. Richard Nixon once said the only really deadly sin for a politician was to be boring. Sarah, call your office.
18. Serena Williams. Looks hot, but keeps her cool, after her sexy femdom commercial for EA Sports gives the game producer to get cold feet. Service ace; advantage Serena.
19. Angelina Jolie. Slow steady work on the onscreen assassination of hubby Brad in her new Bosnia movie, which will also Angelina’s directorial debut. Is she still a Jolie Dominatrix? New details on that in Angelina, the unauthorized biography by Andrew Morton.
20. Lois Griffin. We’ve gotten a tremendous response to our piece on Lois. Seems our readers have a thing for cartoon femdom. Who next, fellas… Wilma, or Betty? Penelope Pitstop, or Sweet Polly Purebread? Olive Oyl? Submit your fan art, boys.
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